oh yeah the point is that I am actually quite sick right now and so when people ask me 'how are you?' or some such thing where the expected reply is 'fine, and you?' or whatever I've been going "I'm SICK!!" in precisely this fashion and while I think this is just hillarious there is NO way I could explain this to anyone without getting at the very least a significantly elevated eyebrow, or worse, from them. so yeah I just puke it into my online journal, of course. word life.

so yeah I had to put some shit up here cuz I just updated this and it's just brimming with stupid-ass angst and bile and all that and I wanted to go on record as saying that I am not that much of a sour-puss and actually life is a lot dandier than it could be, all things considered, and yeah while the whole 'girls' thing can get me down now and again it's not that bad really.

it's just that when I do think about girls I get really out of it, even if it's for a short period of time. so if that time period at all overlaps with typing some shit on the web, whatever I'm going on about gets invariably poisoned with this shit. there you have it.

also that entry makes me look pretty bad. I reread it and I really did frame myself as an utter letch. it's not the case I swear, I implore you. just the other day in fact I remember telling Z about how yeah yeah I really want to have sex, all that, but what I have honestly been yearning for for some time has been one of those firey hypermanic conversations you have with someone you're interested in, where you pour over one another's external personality traits with great interest and the lulls aren't uncomfortable and are solely for the purpose of breathing or taking a sip of water. or whiskey. or for a hit off the crack pipe. what have you.

fo'real. I really mean it. if I didn't really mean it I'd delete or edit the other entry to make myself look less letchish. BUT NO. I have once again succumbed to the hideous postmodern agenda and resorted to metacommentary on my own writing. that's my habits. yup.

anyway yeah. after the other offending entry I was pissed. now I'm happy. so that's good. I'm also hungry and sick and it's cold out, so I'm seriously irritated cuz I want to leave and get some food but I know if I do I will suffer some serious pain.

ah well. fuck it. I'm going to put two dozen modest mouse songs into my mp3 player and get on the subway. that's what I'm doing. I just decided that like just now. you only live once. if I die, you can have my computer.

love forever

-FI$H 2000