Date: 2000-08-29
Time: 05:10:24

I've been having all these really postmodern dreams lately. It's totally fucked. Last weekend, I thought it would be a good idea to get off my ass and wash all my sheets and pillowcases and all that, and so my bed smelled all fresh and clean, and that night I had the most vivid dream I'd had in some time: I dreampt that I was my normal self, except I was Batman. But unlike the Batman we all know and love, who is a mere mortal who happens to have access to an array of cool gizmos, I actually had bona fide super powers, like I could fly and such.

So anyway, as Batman, I had to protect my freinds from a slew of evils, most of which I can't recall. The part I do remember was when my friends and I were in this huge field, at the edge of which a large, probably 8-story cubic brick building loomed. All of a sudden a truly gargantuan fire truck, about 3 stories high in its own right, burst through the facade of the building and barreled towards us. My friends, as one might expect, freaked their respective shits, and began to run away. I however remained calm, and coolly showed them how to avoid the fire truck's marauding onslaught.

It then became apparent to me, Batman, that God had in fact sent the fire truck to kill me. I ran after God into the hole in the building and through a great many labyrinthine passeges. I finally found Him at the center of the mazelike building, and with calm, vernacular-studded speech he proceeded to tell me about how he was trying to kill me because me being Batman was a total act of hubris, and that he couldn't simply zotch me with a lightining bolt because for Him, God, it was very easy for him to create things but very difficult for him to destroy them. He compared this to human beings, who can easily destroy things but have a much harder time creating them.

There was a huge segment to that one that I forget that involved my friends and I being stuck on the Long Island Rail Road, and we were lost, and I kept being like "C'mon, why can't I just fly?" and no one would let me fly cuz that wouldn't be fair and so I had to sit on the train and be all pissed off.

The other dream of note I had was after I went home last Thursday night, and I got to sleep in my old bed in Newton with no irritating Brooklyn sounds right outside my window. In this dream, many strange things happened, but the most memorable part was where I was walking down a cobblestone street on a gray day, and a nun was walking beside me, talking wistfully about the epiphany she had had many years ago that had made her decide to be a nun. After she had finished regaling me with this I explained to her how the two of us were merely characters in a David Foster Wallace story, and how I had had the occasion to meet Mr. Wallace not too long ago, and how he had told me that he had deleted the part of the story that contained her epihpany and all that, and that therefore the reason she'd become a nun (and by extension her whole reason for being at this point) was completely null and void.

I can't recall the look on her face but I'd imagine it wasn't all that serene.

Yeah so there you go. On an unrelated note I'd just like to point out to you that my new job rules. Not only do they have free soda, as they did at my previous place of employment, but they also have free Snapple, and free cheese, and a bizzare high-tech coffee machine that squirts putrid yet strangely enticing fake cappucino into cups on demand. Plus they have so many new G4's you can't swing a dead cat without hitting one. Not that I would do that. Swing a dead cat, I mean. I mean, I just started there. Maybe when I've been working a while. Yeah.

So yeah there you go in a fat nutshell, yo.