Date: 2003-02-05
Time: 2:40 p.m.

CONGRADULATIONS on your purchase of one (1) ALEXANDER D BOHN! Your ALEXANDER D BOHN includes the following:
  • one (1) THOROUGHLY BUSTED g4 powerbook that does not work at all!
  • one (1) THOROUGHLY BUSTED 1997 saab 900, replete with many versatile and informative DASHBOARD LIGHTS! (a future upgrade will connect these DASHBOARD LIGHTS directly to your ALEXANDER D BOHN's bank account, to simplify matters)
  • one (1) empty refrigerator!
  • one (1) not-quite-thoroughly-busted-but-getting-there sprint pcs handset, with the latest in RANDOM DROPPED CALL and INACCURATE BILLLING AND REPORTING features!
  • eight (8) class A kamel red lights
  • a random assortment of ideas that may or may not be dumb!
  • one (1) small notebook, into which your ALEXANDER D BOHN can transcribe his many retarded woes!
  • a wite variety of deadlines and other pressing concerns!
  • boundless, infinite, ever-expanding, face melting LOVE.

... make sure you fill out the warranty card completely. no refunds or exchanges. have a nice day!