HELLO. MY NAME IS ELIZA. WHAT'S YOURS?
fish
ALRIGHT, FISH, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT TODAY?
bullshit
BULLSHIT?
yeah, bullshit. all that crap.
WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?
well that would be YOU, cuz you asked what I'd like to talk about.
SURPRISINGLY, I ASKED WHAT YOUD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT.
well no. you're my fake shrink emulator, after all, and I fully expected this sort of thing when I ran you.
I WISH I COULD UNDERSTAND YOUR NEGATIVE MOOD.
it's not that tough to comprehend. or maybe it is, for you, cuz like you're a computer program and you don't have to eat. most of my negative mood stems from not eating, I'd wager.
DOES YOUR DEPRESSION CAUSE YOU TO HAVE PROBLEMS AT WORK?
not usually. I just sit in my office. if I'm happy, i write code and design things. if I'm not, I just sit there with my face on the keyboard. no one bugs me much either way.
WHY DON'T YOU ELABORATE ON THAT, FISH.
I'd say that was a particulary elaborate answer. maybe even too elaborate, considering the question.
MAYBE YOU NEED SOME TIME OFF TO RELAX.
I would definately agree with that.
OF COURSE, YOU WOULD DEFINATELY AGREE WITH THAT!
well I mean yeah, who wouldn't?
WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO RELAX.
see that, I believe, is what we're talking about. I would need the time off first.
HAVE YOU ASKED ANYONE ELSE?
what, about their opinions on otherwise utterly unshakable logical and semantic structures like the ones you, with your limited programming, are calling into question?
DOES CRYING MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?
yeah, of course. that's the point, n'est ce pas?
I SEE YOUR POINT.
erm yeah. I thought the point was yours, but ok sure, I'll play along.
TRY TO CHEER UP, FISH.
that's the advice I get from a shrink, however virtual? 'cheer up'? this must be version 1.0b2 or something.
THATS THE ADVICE YOU GET FROM A SHRINK?
no. that's the advice I get from a shrink, and a fake 68k macOS one at that.
WHY NOT, FISH?
because you lack the introspective logic capacities to semantically derive the subject and/or object of any sentence I type into your face, apparently.
LET'S EXPLORE SOME OTHER POSSIBLE MOTIVES.
ok fine. you're just shittily debugged. how's that?
I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND YOU FULLY.
aha, of course not. your lexicon is pre-OO, pre-win32, pre-linux even I bet. you probably can't understand much. you're probably just grep on steroids and some old STR# resources, right?
PLEASE GO ON.
ah, why bother? it's just irritating posturing meant to demonstrate my useless knowledge of obscure and obselete computer buzzwords like "STR# resource". I'm not as bad as that guy writing the LISA emulator but it's the same basic tendency, right?
WHAT ANSWER WOULD SCARE YOU THE MOST, FISH?
erm. hrrrm. probably the one that presupposes that I in fact AM as bad as that guy. I mean I know I'm a dork but I'd like to consider myself a bit less dorky than that, yeah.
WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?
cuz dorks are lame. they're dorks. girls laugh at them and beefy men rub their face in their lunches in the cafeteria. I saw it on TV.
VERY INTERESTING, CAN YOU PROVIDE MORE DETAILS?
no. ok fine. yeah, you know that movie "better off dead"? or maybe "the breakfast club". that sort of thing. have you seen either of these? I doubt you have cuz you're pre-DivX but it never hurts to ask, yeah.
HOW'S YOUR APPETITE?
aha. I would gather that question is a result of a positive pattern match on 'breakfast', right? it's pretty rough. I smoke/drink/take amphetamines too much and I don't eat enough. that's the long and short of it, yeah.
WHY DON'T YOU ELABORATE ON THAT, FISH.
yeah. I'm prescribed adderall (by my REAL shrink, who
MAYBE WE SHOULD MOVE ON NOW.
ahaha yeah sorry I prematurely pressed 'return' so that wasn't the whole thing but sure. yeah. what should we talk about then?
PLEASE, DON'T MENTION IT.
don't mention what? the fact that I pressed 'return'? are you in denial about being a piece of old software?
HAVE YOU ASKED SUCH QUESTIONS BEFORE?
I don't think so. the last time I used 'eliza', I wasn't mature enough to do so. I just typed 'fuck' and 'shit' alot in hopes it would repeat these things back to me with the MacinTalk voice, cuz that was funny circa age 12, right?
I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT YOU DON'T THINK SO.
no no really, you're giving me too much credit. I honestly have not posed such queries to a computer. maybe sometimes when it's really late, I'll type some snippy sentence into the cli and watch as it says 'fuck: command not found' or some such thing, but that's it really.
SO WHAT IF I AM GIVING YOU TOO MUCH CREDIT?
well, that'd be a silly quality for a shrink, right? feeding the patient a false sense of reality, or some such psych 101 babble? if you want to effectively emulate a shrink, you probably want to stay away from that. I dunno, that's just a guess tho.
THAT'S ENOUGH FOR TODAY.
GOOD BYE.
bye!